I don’t know why I bother trying to plan out this season in advance. I got on Facebook and read the news about Breonna Taylor and how Brett Hankison, John Mattingly, and Myles Cosgrove will not face any indictment for her murder. And though we saw the signs and we’re learning our history, once again we were reminded of our place in this world in the eyes of men. And I couldn’t help but think, here we go again.

There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. There is no proper way to go through this. There isn’t even one way to walk with you through this. So the music is just going to play. I won’t speak, but you can. Take this time to feel the depths of your feelings in a safe space. Know that I’m furiously grieving with you.

Today’s episode is dedicated to you Breonna Taylor.

When I wrote the episode Please Don't Ask Me if I'm Okay, it came as a response to the amount of people asking me and many of my black friends about their mental state without fully understanding what they were asking for. I followed up that episode with What Not to Say When You Don't Know What to Say. That was a totally practical interview with Oliver Ip, pastoral scholar and psychologist in training. In that episode, Ollie and I went over things one should avoid saying to a friend that is grieving or in pain. I asked Ollie, how do you tell someone that you don't see them as 'safe.' That they are not who you would like to give access to your grief or pain for the sake of your mental stability or because you're not looking for advice or whatever. So listen to hear his response.

Oliver Ip is (was) a pastor, a life coach and a theological scholar, but more importantly, he was the one who taught me how to practically care for others. I've finally got him on the podcast to share some of the best and worst things you can say to someone who is grieving. Today’s episode could be thought of as Part 3 of this series of What to Do When Your Friend is not okay. I took a lot away from this episode. I know you will too.

I had to take a week off of the podcast to collect my thoughts and quite frankly grieve. A lot. I've had a few breakdowns, a few uplifting moments, but overall this year has been unbelievably overwhelming. But I'm sure I don't have to tell you that. I had one moment in particular where my grieving was kind of put on display, in public (without my consent) and it completely unravelled me.

Grief is the experience we go through when something or someone is taken away from us. It is a sense of loss, and it is a loss that is personal and individual. My original plan for this episode was very different. The title was different. The subject matter was about the same, I knew that I wanted to talk about grief and how to push through it. And like the rest of this season, I wanted to interview a friend about how they kept going even through the lowest moments of their lives. But then, their lows kept getting lower.

This prayer was taken for the book Daily Prayer with the Corrymeela Community. I liked the way that it acknowledges our mourning for the way things used to be. If you are looking for more guided prayers, I’d recommend you check out the book Daily Prayer with the Corrymeela Community. Monday’s episode looks more in to mourning, grief, and loss. Talk to you then.

As a bonus episode, I decided to read the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr. You may recognise the beginning as it is often used in 12-step programmes. And it's obvious to see why. Hope you enjoy.