When I wrote the episode Please Don't Ask Me if I'm Okay, it came as a response to the amount of people asking me and many of my black friends about their mental state without fully understanding what they were asking for. I followed up that episode with What Not to Say When You Don't Know What to Say. That was a totally practical interview with Oliver Ip, pastoral scholar and psychologist in training. In that episode, Ollie and I went over things one should avoid saying to a friend that is grieving or in pain. I asked Ollie, how do you tell someone that you don't see them as 'safe.' That they are not who you would like to give access to your grief or pain for the sake of your mental stability or because you're not looking for advice or whatever. So listen to hear his response.

I had to take a week off of the podcast to collect my thoughts and quite frankly grieve. A lot. I've had a few breakdowns, a few uplifting moments, but overall this year has been unbelievably overwhelming. But I'm sure I don't have to tell you that. I had one moment in particular where my grieving was kind of put on display, in public (without my consent) and it completely unravelled me.

On last week’s episode, I shared some thoughts on grief and how you and I can support our loved ones while they are grieving some sort of loss. And that reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend of mine, let’s call her Yvette.* Yvette and her husband are a black couple living in Asia. Her husband is a pilot, well actually a captain, and often has to travel away from her and their two boys for weeks at a time.

I was disciplining my daughter in public and some woman decided (maybe just in my head) that I was being too mean to this little girl and just had to do something (albeit a very small something) but that set me off. And I want to (HAVE TO) talk about it.

Why do I fear making a bad impression? Why would I rather skip doing something beneficial because of that fear? How much does my race define what I will and will not do? How much of that can I change?